Introduction
From 'The Collected Bulletins Of President Idi Amin' by Alan Coren

LOTTA PEOPLE gonna be wonderin' about how de corner-stone o' Ugandan literature gittin' laid. Lotta people gonna be walkin' about over de nex' few centuries an' quotin' de ensuin' to me at one anudder an' muttering "How dis great talent kickin' off? History recognisin' where he de fust-class military genius, also de dipperlomatic giant o' his generation, not to mention bein' a dab hand at de five-card stud, but how it comin' about dat de great Idi Amin also wipin' de floor wid Wilfrid Shakespeare an' Edward de Gibbon an' similar?"

Well, to save de lit'ry historians an' de critics an' every-one bashin' de brains out figurin' how I takin' de worl by storm, it happenin' this way: early in 1973, de magazine "Punch" suddenly takin' it on itself to report a conversation wot one o' their hacks overhearin' down de Kampala Used Car Lot. Natcherly, they gittin' it all cocked up, an' I reckonin' dat de best way o' me straightenin' 'em out is wid a diggernified an' dipperlomatic letter pointin' out where I gonna come up de office an' nail de editor's bonce to de floor. Dis bringin' a telegram by de return post offerin' me de chance to tell de Uganda story in my own words, an' I jumpin' at de opportunity. De magazine appointin' one o' de resident hacks to check de copy fo' spellin' an' punctwation etcetera, an' dis de place fo' me to pass on de gratitude to dis A. Coren person fo' havin' de good sense not to start muckin' about wid de matchless prose; still, ain't gonna lean too heavy on de thanks, on account of Coren knowin' which side de bread buttered an' not wishin' to wine up wid a coupla holes in de vest f'om de famous .45 Webberley.

So each week (wid certain exceppertions, on account of us top international figures constantly gittin' called away on de affairs o' state, such as de mass hangin's, or declarin' war on de despicable Nyerere, or a new fillum up de Entebbe Gaumont), I bin bangin' off de action-packed bulletins to Fleet Street; an' since de whole series constitutin' a piece o' de livin' history, I reckonin' it time to cobble de entire output together, an' grab de market while it hot. De worl' bin waitin' fo' a noo Birf O' De Nation, an' here it are!

Jus' one final word to de esteemed critics. One o' de mos' interestin' aspecks o' dis masterpiece is de fac' dat it gittin' writ by a man wot capable o' shootin' de bum off of a runnin' ferret at five hunnerd yards, wid either hand. Dat possibly explainin' why it such a enjoyable read, as all de rave reviews gonna be pointin' out.

President Idi Amin, VC, DSO, MC, Kampala, February 1974

«NEXT» «Collected Bulletins» «Humour» «Library »