A Change Of gender And Beyond
by F.W. Hinton
" Hey Laura. Look at me-I'm a Guy," Shaun called from the
bedroom as she stood naked in front of the cheval mirror.
Laura cried with laughter and hugged Shaun, knowing she had
been given her first injection of testosterone. Shaun was
happy now she was on her way to becoming the person she had
always dreamed about. Happier than she had been in a long
" What happened?" Laura asked sitting on the bed as Shaun
" Dr Mitchell, she is really very nice. I'm so glad we
listened to the people at the Community Church. She's kind,
and understanding, willing to listen to what I have to say."
" This is your third visit, " Laura interrupted.
" I know. It is well worth it, and I am in Medibank. This
time Dr Mitchell explained about the hormone injections.
I'm starting off with one a week. Just a small dose to begin
with. She said it's a steroid that stimulates the
development of the male secondary sexual characteristics
produced in the testes."
Laura stared at her.
" You know what I mean Laura. A man's balls."
Dr Mitchell told Shaun she had studied her case history as
far back as the time of her sister Casey Ann. That she had
come to the conclusion that eventual sex-reassignment was
the only answer. Adding that the treatment would take at
least two years. That she would have to undergo
psychoanalysis, and that an assessment would be made by a
team of doctors.
At the end of six months hormone therapy Dr Mitchell decided
an increase in the treatment was necessary and sent Shaun to
Dr David Baron was an older man and had served on the board
of the Gender Dysphoria Clinic at the University. He agreed
with Dr Mitchell that Shaun Maclaren, though born with the
physical anatomy of a female was psychologically and
emotionally a male. On his recommendation she was to be
given testosterone propionate, parenertally, which, the
doctor explained was a longer lasting alternative to
Shaun was delighted, and when on the way home she told Laura
her news, she bought Shaun a man's wardrobe, including
shirts, in her favourite colours and lots of ties. In the
office Shaun was referred to as the new Chauffeur-handyman,
and when the occasion permitted she accompanied Laura on
Agency functions. Although Laura could not see any real
change in Shaun. There was, she felt an air of mystique
In their lovemaking Laura was enthralled. Shaun, more gentle
than ever before, more attentive, respecting even her most
absurd whims. It seemed that Shaun was unable to stop
touching her. Every stroke of her hand made Laura feel as if
she were something fragile and precious. After their tension
built up to a climax, Laura slept safe in Shaun's arms,
knowing there was now no need of the appalling bathroom
Dr Kerry Michell suggested the program of sex-reassignment
begin. She made an appointment for Shaun with the
Psychiatrist, who many of her patients at the Community
Church had consulted. In the rooms of Dr Peter O'Donnell
Shaun told him of her feelings and thoughts.
" There is nothing," she said firmly, " that will dissuade
me. I know what I am. I'm not going to become a man. I am a
man. All I want is the right to be able to live and act as
that person. I now realize I was born that way, I want to be
allowed to live openly as a man. It's what I've always known
to be inside me. I am, Dr O'Donnell a man, trapped in a
Dr O'Donnell had written many papers on the subject of
transexualism and was associated with the Community Church
Fellowship. When Shaun had finished he explained how the
period of assessment worked.
" The criteria is Shaun, that you will have to live and work
as- a male for two years before reassignmemt surgery can be
carried out. This is not," he added quickly, " implying that
a team of specialists sit in judgement on you, determining
your qualifications to have the numerous operations needed
to change you from female to male. The ultimate assessment
is made by you Shaun. You know how well you are coping as a
man. Even if you do not admit this openly, your actions,
sense of dress, general attitude and conversation will be a
guide to the team. There are certain expectations of you.
That you live entirely as a man in your work and social
life. In this Laura can be of great help.
You will become aware Shaun, as many have, within the
Community Church that criticisms have been leveled at
doctors for expecting a transexual to fit the stereotyped
gender they have chosen. But you must realize that unless a
guideline is applied it is very difficult for any doctor to
determine in practice if, the patient really does identify
with what society defines, in your case as masculine, and
here, it is assumed that you will know what it is to be
masculine along the same principle. In time, of course,
from a post-operative point of view, you will develop a
personality that will break down the hard and fast
stereotypical image you will have adopted in your
pre-operative days. After your operations you will mix
freely in the wider community. It is here that the Community
Church Fellowship can be of enormous help. It is my opinion
that it would be advisable for you to join in social
gatherings as soon as possible. Perhaps you could take up
an education program, or attend University. From your
Convent and service records you have already passed the
entrance examination, even though the system has altered. I
can help in that direction if you wish. Whether you chose
to study full, or part time, it will present an excellent
opportunity for you to mix freely with your chosen gender."
Just before she left the doctor told her she will have to
attend his rooms for a consultation every month, and that
psychological tests will be conducted at that time to
ascertain the extent of her cross-gender identification.
Gradually her voice deepened and hair began to grow on her
face, making Shaun feel more the way she assumed a man would
feel than ever before. Laura still adored her and at times
laughingly called her, 'her boygirl'. On her first day at
the University Shaun dressed in the clothes of a man. Her
assessment period having begun a week earlier. She had to
face her fellow students, and uncertain of their reactions,
minutes before the lecture almost turned and ran. But Laura
had been so supportive of her entry into Uni, Shaun knew she
could not let her down. Her main problem was her breasts.
Although she bound them up and wore a tight tank-top she was
still very conscious of them. On the first day she got her
period which made her wish like hell she had waited a day or
two before going into the lecture hall with the other
students. To her surprise no one knew her. Even the girl
from Laura's office, who was taking similar subjects, either
did not want to know her, or did not recognize her. After
the first week she made a few firm friends. The male
students accepting her into their circle fully.
There were no reservations and sometimes she joined in their
crude jokes and remarks about the opposite sex. This entry
into the one time forbidden world made Shaun feel she had
arrived as a man, and she quickly identified with them.
On one occasion she forgot herself and opened the door to
the female toilet. Seconds before she entered a voice called
out. " Hey! Maclaren. You're not allowed in there -unless
you've been invited."
At cocktail parties and nightclubs she chatted freely with
other males. Laura's colleagues accepting Shaun as her
boyfriend. At night in the quiet of their bedroom they
laughed at the hoax they had played, before they made love.
Slowly Shaun began to realise that she was not thinking
about herself. Most of her adult life she had been forced to
ponder her position, questioning herself, wondering each and
every day how she should go about her tasks as a woman. Now
with Laura's help and encouragement she no longer dwelt on
daily habits. She did not think about what a man would do in
this or that given situation, she went ahead and did it. Now
there was no question, even by Dr O'Donnell as to her
For Shaun Maclaren it was the greatest revelation in her
life. She was no longer, two people in one body. She felt
wholesome, alive as never before. She began to think about
the future. Where she would be in a few years from now. At
last she was able to give tangible thoughts to her feelings,
and think of others instead of burying herself within a
thing that refused to stop kicking. Dr Mitchell was amazed
that this had happened to Shaun before her sex reassignment
operations had even been discussed.
" Here," Dr O'Donnell told his colleagues, after a lengthy
consultation with Shaun. " was a man in every psychic and
social aspect. But a man with a vagina, and it was
imperative that reassignment surgery commence within the
next few months."
It was the beginning of the second semester. Shaun sat
quietly in the hall waiting for the lecture to commence. She
glanced at the door as the Professor came in and was certain
she knew her as the officer who had arranged her transfer in
the Army. Quickly dismissing the idea as being improbable,
she looked forward to the forthcoming lecture, but felt that
the Professor was staring at her. Suddenly Shaun found it
difficult to breathe, her head started spinning. She tugged
at her shirt collar to get more air. It was then she began
to perspire freely. The Professor noticed her, assumed it
was a build up of tension at the beginning of the semester
and sent her to the rest room, instructing the student who
helped Shaun down the steps to inform the Matron.
When the student left the rest room to call the Matron,
Shaun, not daring to have an examination left by the side
door, went home and waited for Laura. Although the attack
had lasted only a few minutes it left Shaun with a headache
and a nagging pain in the pit of her stomach.
" It's a condition referred to as Spontaneous
Hypoglycaemia," Dr Mitchell told her as sat in the surgery
with Laura. " Diagnosis is sometimes difficult especially in
the early staged. It could be caused by a form of epilepsy
or possible mental stress."
" But I feel so hot," Shaun told the doctor, " I can't bear
to have my chest bound up any longer. It makes me feel tired
and terribly itchy. I've got to do something."
" We can help you Shaun, both physically and mentally, and
it would start you on your sex-reassignment program. If you
feel you are ready."
" How can the program begin so soon? Dr O'Donnell told me it
would be at least another year."
" I have spoken to Dr O'Donell recently, and we both feel
that you should start the program immediately with a
" A Mastectomy!" Laura cried out in amazement, " that means
her Br- ."
" Yes Laura. The report I have from Dr O'Donnell's panel is
" It is a beginning," Dr Mitchell said turning to Shaun,
ignoring Laura's interruptions,
" with your cross-dressing it will help enormously. It will
help your ability to identify even more with the opposite
The thought of Shaun having a mastectomy disturbed Laura
more than she cared to admit. She felt the need for some
form of distraction, at least for the remainder of the
evening. They drove to their favourite restaurant. Shaun
and Laura sat facing each other at their special table by
the window, neither wanting to talk about the subject
uppermost in their minds. They dined on lobster and salad,
and after the waiter served their brandy and coffee Shaun
held Laura's hands.
" Don't worry darling," Shaun murmured softly, " if you
really don't want me to change I do understand"
An hour had passed, they were still holding hands, deep in
their own private thoughts. They even ignored the waiter who
cleared the table. Shaun's love for Laura was all consuming,
and she wondered why the thought of her forthcoming
mastectomy disturbed Laura so much.
Shaun thought about their most intimate moments. She
remembered every time they made love Luara would hold,
fondle her breasts, tease her nipples with the tip of her
tongue then suckle them, pretending to be her baby. Suddenly
she realized how unfair she was in having an operation that
would deprive Luara of so much pleasure. She felt torn
between her love for Laura, and her need to become a man.
" Shaun!" Laura said when she finished the last of her
brandy, " you know how I hold and caress you when ever we
make love. But really-I don't mind if your sure you want the
operation. As Dr Mitchell told us it will make life easier
for you. I suppose I'm behaving like a spoilt brat-being
selfish. I know how much you want to become a man."
Laura had drunk more brandy than she had intended. She
couldn't remember getting out of the car, or going into the
apartment. She knew she was shaking all over as Shaun, now
aware of her new found masculinity tried to dominate the
scene. She unzipped Luara's black velvet dress, pushed it
aside, when usually she would have allowed it to sigh to the
floor. To Laura, Shaun seemed to be rough, even brutal as
she pulled her into her arms.
Laura thought it was all a dream as Shaun unhooked her bra
and ripped off her pink lace panties. Gone was the
gentleness of Shaun's hands. Trembling she felt her mouth
being ravished as she lay on the cushions of the divan.
Shivering with delight, fear, expectation Laura yielded to
her touch as Shaun carried her into the bedroom and laid her
on their bed. All gentleness gone, one for the other they
abandoned themselves to a sensual, almost violent making of
For hours they clung to each other, and when Shaun rolled
away she fell into a deep untroubled sleep.
Laura lay staring into the blackness, tears rolling down her
cheeks. She knew in her heart that they would never make
The next morning there was between them an air of coolness
that Shaun did not understand. By the end of the day
conversation became almost impossible.
Before going to bed unable to control her feelings Laura
burst into tears telling Shaun their affair was over.
" All I want is to be treated as an equal in all our
lovemaking. You must understand Shaun," she said between
sobbing and crying, " I can't be dominated - - not by a